Mr and Mrs Smith, lets say, are the type of people that make working in the restaurant business a dream. They are super polite and friendly, without being overbearing or intrusive. They are always well aware that while they are out having a good time, you are working. And they respect that. They never demand too much of your time or attention, but they have no problem engaging you in genuine conversation if you have a few minutes to spare. Best of all, they treat you as a human being; as an equal . . . despite the real fact that (technically speaking) you are serving them. They are always dressed nicely, but never over the top. Sometimes, they come in after spending the day on their boat or with friends, and they're all in t-shirts and shorts. But they never look like they've just rolled out of bed. Mrs Smith has a nice diamond wedding ring on her finger. I never caught what she did (or still does) for a living. Mr Smith works for an airline. They've got money, I presume. Enough money to be relatively comfortable, though they don't have a snobbish bone in their bodies. Mr Smith is balding, and Mrs Smith is the sort of women who still has her nice features, and who looks great with her silver hair.
The conversation with the bartender revolved around children, and I take it they'd been chatting for a bit on the subject. Not surprising, since just about everyone I work with has kids, and people with kids tend to talk about their kids . . . even at work . . . and to complete strangers.
I wonder why that is? I don't have any kids, myself, though I've helped to raise a few. I was ten years old when my little brother was born, and right from the get-go I was changing diapers, bathing, dressing, feeding and burping him. His father (my step-father) was not much of a 'hands-on' kind of dad back then. Most Latino men aren't actually. For the most part, they take their 'parental' roll as getting their wives pregnant and posing for the photo-ops. But they don't actually want to change diapers and wake up in the middle of the night to rock the baby back to sleep. That's 'mom' work. Of course, that's a bit of a cultural and generational stereotype, but there's some truth to it. Just ask my step-father.
I filled in the gaps as my brother grew up. I felt like it was biggest responsibility of my young life, and I took it very seriously. By the time I was grown and my older brother and sister started cranking out the kids, I was well prepared. I found nothing daunting about child rearing. It was old hat for me. Still, I wonder if I ever bored people with talk of my niece or nephew? I doubt it. Probably because they weren't actually my kids to brag about. And probably because it's not my style. I know most parents do, though. And I suppose there's nothing actually wrong with talking about your kids to whomever might listen. The only caveat should be that you talk about them to a willing and receptive audience. I've always detested people who think their kids are God's gift and can do no wrong; or that they are so brilliant and fascinating that you'd be a fool to miss out on every achievement their child makes; or whose children are far too special to order anything 'off the menu.' Worst of all, I hate people who plaster their kids accomplishments on the rear bumpers and windshields of their cars. "My son is an honor student and Blah Blah Academy". "My daughter plays rugby". Really? Nobody gives a shit, expect you. And maybe your kid. So feel free to stop sharing with the rest of us. We didn't ask.
As I strolled past the bar, I heard Mrs Smith say quite calmly, "I never understand why people feel sorry for me when I tell them I don't have any kids. It was a conscious choice. I'm not childless . . . I'm child free."
"Amen!" I answered. And I heard the Smiths both giggle as I walked away.
I realized then why they always seemed so happy when they came into the restaurant, and why they always took their time to eat and drink. Why they always seemed so well-dressed and put together. Why Mrs Smith's hair always looked so nice, and why Mr Smith always tipped so well. They have no kids.
More importantly, Mrs Smith's assertion about being "child free" made me think in general about the arrogance of people with kids, especially in the United States, and especially Christians in the United States. There's a huge segment of our population who think that having children and propagating the species is the end-all-be-all, and that anyone who isn't littering the planet with their offspring is either crazy, lazy, misguided, a heathen, or simply not a very good Christian. It's as though one isn't complete without children, and ones life is devoid of any real meaning. They go around, consciously or not, judging anyone who didn't make the same commitment they did, to embark on a life of parenting. It's asinine, and it's so commonplace. But hearing Mrs Smith reminded me of how awesome it is when you choose a path for yourself and commit to it, no matter how unpopular. It's when you do that you can live with your head held high, without the slightest inclination to offer up excuses for your choices.
Well played!
